


Let Not the Bar Destroy Us

by kakotheres



Category: Glee
Genre: Bar exam, Conflict Resolution, Established Relationship, M/M, Short, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 06:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20541797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakotheres/pseuds/kakotheres
Summary: Sebastian is stressed out about the upcoming bar exam, and it leads to a fight between Kurt and him. Luckily, they're adults and can talk these things out.





	Let Not the Bar Destroy Us

Kurt pushed open the door to the apartment he shared with Sebastian, letting out a deep sigh as he allowed the stress of the day to fall away. It was good to be home. The apartment was quiet – Sebastian was probably still out at a library or coffee shop somewhere. With the bar exam looming, he had taken to disappearing elsewhere to study for most of the day. He often came to bed long after Kurt was asleep and was up and hitting the books before Kurt woke up in the mornings. Kurt was pretty sure they had already blown at least a month’s worth of the coffee budget in the last week alone. Good thing Sebastian had the funds to cover that particular addiction. Not seeing his boyfriend was certainly frustrating, but Kurt could understand. The exam was such a huge and stressful part of Sebastian’s life – the culmination of all his years of hard work in law school, and the start of his future. Sebastian was always supportive during Kurt’s frustration and anxiety over the constant audition process that was an actor’s life. It was the least he could do to return the favor.

Of course, Sebastian’s support was often accompanied by sarcastic commentary and lewd remarks about Kurt’s ass. Which, honestly, tended to make Kurt laugh and get him out of his own head. It actually worked very well, even though Kurt would never let Sebastian know that. The other man didn’t need any encouragement to be a pain in the ass. When Kurt really needed him to be there, he was. And that made all the little arguments and sniping and frustrating moments worth it.

At first, the bar exam cramming had led to very amusing comments and grumbling from Sebastian as he worked through the materials he had to learn. Messages like _Why don’t we live in Nebraska? I could definitely pass the bar in Nebraska_ and _I could make the whole legal profession obsolete if I just invented immortality – dead people and their stuff are way too complicated_ filled his text history. Chase had been greatly entertained by stories of Sebastian walking into things and demanding to sue whatever person was at fault for the invention of physics.

But at this point, he was looking forward to the end, where Sebastian wasn’t so incredibly stressed out, and they returned to as normal of a routine as two young adults in NYC could have. Sebastian’s moodiness and distractibility were starting to strain Kurt’s nerves, and he could feel himself close to snapping. For the past week, Sebastian’s remarks had started to stray into more cutting and hurtful territory during the few times that he and Kurt were actually sharing the same space. It probably wasn’t the worst thing in the world that Sebastian was mostly studying outside the house – less chance of them killing each other, that way. They both had a quick temper, and it was only a matter of time before one of them said something that they would really regret.

Yesterday, Sebastian had burst in the door while Kurt was staying up late watching a movie alone. He had been curled up on the couch in the living room, blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“Seriously, why didn’t I decide just to toss it all and become an actor or a housewife? Lived off my trust fund or something,” he had ranted as he pulled a few books off the bookshelf. “I could have had plenty of free time and never had to worry about how to decide if the douchebag brother who started the bike shop and bought ridiculous tires for the store should get money for them just because he and his sister can’t act like adults.” He had then hidden himself away in his study, without acknowledging Kurt at all.

To be honest, Kurt wasn’t sure that Sebastian even realized that he was in the apartment and could hear him. Sebastian had been so out of it recently that it wouldn’t surprise Kurt if he hadn’t. Sebastian probably wasn’t even thinking of Broadway and theater when he was ranting. But still, the comment about being an actor and having lots of free time to do what he wanted stung. Kurt worked hard to try to achieve his dreams. He was holding down a regular job working for Isabelle while also going out on auditions and picking up any gigs that he could. Sure, he might not be spending every hour of his waking life studying like Sebastian did, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t working hard. And he knew that Sebastian didn’t see him as some lazy freeloader. Even if Sebastian hadn’t meant to direct it at Kurt and his dreams, it didn’t matter.

It still hurt.

Kurt sighed. Only two more days to go. Sebastian would take the test, and he’d probably ace it just like everything else he did, and they’d go out for dancing and drinks to celebrate. Things could go back to normal. This was just an extreme version of law-school-exam Sebastian, and they had certainly survived that. They could survive this.

Kurt settled into the couch and turned on the television. Might as well take the chance of an empty apartment to watch a romantic comedy without having to put up with Sebastian’s commentary on how stupid the plot was. And he wouldn’t admit how much he missed hearing Sebastian’s snarky voice as the Beautiful But Slightly Quirky Girl wonders if she’ll ever run into Coffee Shop Man again.

*****

A few hours later, Kurt was startled out of his dozing state by the sound of the apartment door slamming shut. Blearily, he looked over the back of the couch and took in the sight of his boyfriend. His eyes were red from too many hours poring over outlines and flashcards. His hair stuck up in every direction, and his clothes were disheveled and wrinkled. His shoulders were pulled up high and tense, and Kurt knew they must be full of knots. His fingers itched with the desire to massage that tension away for him, to give Sebastian some comfort.

“Hey, Bas,” Kurt said softly as he watched Sebastian kick off his shoes. “How’s it going?”

Sebastian grunted something that might have been “hello” or might have been “fuck you”. Kurt sighed. Clearly, things weren’t going to get any better tonight. Still, he felt the need to try. He hated seeing Sebastian so stressed out.

“Do you want to sit on the couch? Maybe have some food?” He freed himself from the blanket that had become entwined around him. He could heat some of the leftovers from dinner. Sebastian had liked that dish when he’d made it a few weeks ago.

Sebastian hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder, looking at Kurt with clear disbelief in his eyes. “Food? Who has time for food?” He walked deeper into the apartment, clearly heading towards the second bedroom that they had converted into a study. “I’ve got a lot more to do, so don’t bother waiting up.”

Kurt stood up from the couch. “Bas, seriously, you’ve been studying like crazy all week. You need to take a break.” He put his hands on his hips, ready to insist that Sebastian take care of himself.

Sebastian turned, letting his bag drop to the floor. “Take a break? Are you _serious_ right now, Kurt? The bar exam is in two days. I only have 48 hours - less than that, actually, dammit - to finish stuffing my brain full of everything I can. I don’t have _time_ for a break right now.”

Kurt reached out toward him but had to let his arm fall to his side as Sebastian pulled away from his touch. “Seriously? You definitely have time for food! When’s the last time you ate?” He ignored the flare of pain that rose in his chest from Sebastian’s rejection.

“Kurt, I know you can’t possibly understand how hard this is for me.” Sebastian glared at him. “I have to do well on this. Everything rides on me passing the bar exam. I don’t have time for your _shit_ right now!”

Kurt flinched. This was not going how he thought it would. “Bas, you were in the top third of your class rank every year at NYU.” Kurt didn’t understand why Sebastian was struggling so much with this. Yes, the bar exam was obviously extremely difficult. But still – all he had to do was pass! For someone who succeeded at law school with flying colors, shouldn’t this be easy? “You’re so ridiculously intelligent, you’re going to be fine!”

“You don’t know that!” Sebastian yelled back at him. “You don’t have any idea how hard this is, Kurt. Everything is riding on this! My whole future in New York depends on this!” He gestured wildly at Kurt. “It’s not like one of your fucking auditions where if you don’t get it all your friends will understand and pat you on the back, ‘so sorry, it happens, you’ll get it next time!’ There’s always another show, another audition, another gig!” Sebastian’s voice continued to rise. Kurt worried briefly about poor Mrs. Campbell in the apartment below them. Hopefully, she was sound asleep with some earplugs in. “If I fail at this, my law career is dead in the water! All that work, for nothing! And none of my friends will understand, because we’re all supposed to be the best of the best! You don’t understand what that’s like.” He slammed a hand against the bookcase, rattling several picture frames.

Kurt’s breath caught in his throat. His eyes darted around, from the bookcase to the TV to the coffee table. He really needed to pick up those coasters that were spread across the table, and maybe straighten up the remotes. It was such a mess. He avoided looking at Sebastian, and the silence in the apartment grew between them like a physical thing. From the corner of his eye, Kurt could see how Sebastian’s chest rose and fell in rapid breaths, his hand clenched in a fist at his side.

“Well then,” Kurt said, fiddling with the pocket of his sweatpants. Actually, Sebastian’s sweatpants. He had at least one clean pair of his own, but he’d wanted to feel close to Sebastian. He’d missed seeing him. Guess he should know by now to be careful what he wished for. “I guess you’re right. You made your point; I won’t bother you anymore.”

Sebastian grunted in response. Grabbing his bag off the ground, he stalked out of the room. Kurt flinched as he heard the door to the study slam closed.

Kurt rubbed his arm, suddenly cold. He should probably clean up the apartment before he went to bed. Yes, that’s what he needed to do right now.

*****

Kurt stood in the kitchen, scrubbing at the oven top. The four coils sat in the drying rack, and now he was working at getting rid of every small bit of gunk that he could find on the white surface. The smell of cleaning products was starting to give him a headache, and his hands were starting to get dry and painful. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should probably stop, but he ignored that voice and kept working away. The kitchen had been fairly clean when he had started – Sebastian learned early on in their relationship that dirty dishes in the sink wasn’t the way to live harmoniously with Kurt. Kurt regularly did a thorough cleaning of everything in the apartment, and mess and dust rarely built up in their home. But Kurt had needed to clean something. And the more he had looked around the kitchen, the more mess he had found. Knobs that could be shinier, countertops that could be cleaner, small bits of splatter on hard to reach places.

Eleven pm. No time like the present to tackle it. It wasn’t like he was going to be able to sleep anytime soon, anyway. Maybe it was a good time to rearrange the cabinets. He was pretty sure that the mugs would fit better in the cabinet on the left. And after he was done in the kitchen, maybe he should tackle the bathroom. But first, he really needed to get this one bit of gunk off the back corner of the oven.

Kurt heard the sound of the apartment door opening and closing softly. He scrubbed a bit harder at the stubborn spot. If only he could get it off, that would make everything much better.

“Kurt?” He didn’t turn around at Sebastian’s soft question. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see him entering the kitchen, looking around. Kurt tried to keep his attention on what he was doing, but his body was hyper-aware of Sebastian’s every move. Sebastian had always pulled focus.

“Babe? Are you okay?” Kurt ignored him, running his finger across the spot. At this point, Kurt wasn’t sure if the stickiness was still there or if it was all in his mind. He continued scrubbing.

“Shit,” Sebastian chuckled uncomfortably. “I think you’ve got this place cleaner than it was when we moved in. Fuck.” He heard Sebastian sigh. A few moments later, he felt a gentle finger touch his shoulder. He stilled his movements, hand still resting on the brush he was using. Sebastian inched forward, his hand resting gently on Kurt’s shoulder. It felt like a lead weight holding him in place. “Kurt, please look at me.”

Kurt turned to face Sebastian, letting his hand fall to his side. The movement caused Sebastian’s hand to slip from his shoulder. Kurt stared at Sebastian’s feet, noting absently that Bas could really use some new socks. There were a few holes in one of them. How on earth was he so bad at taking care of himself? Kurt crossed his arms over his chest, his fingers worrying at the edge of his sleeve. Right. Sebastian’s health and well-being weren’t his problems to deal with, apparently. Sebastian had made that perfectly clear earlier. Kurt walked away, standing over by the sink and leaning his back against it. Away from Sebastian’s reach.

“Kurt, I’m so sorry.” Sebastian shifted his weight from side to side, scuffing one foot against the ground. “I was a complete ass to you.”

Kurt finally lifted his eyes to Sebastian’s face, taking in the distress and open honesty in his face. His eyes were still red, and his hair was somehow even more of a disaster than it had been before their fight. Kurt felt a tug at his heart as he watched him run his hands across the back of his head, leaving his hair stuck up even farther. He was such a disaster of a human being sometimes, but…he was Kurt’s disaster.

“Bas, what even happened?” Kurt asked. “I know we’ve had our issues, and we’re always snarking at each other, but it’s been a while since things have really gotten personal like that.” He let his shoulders drop. “You really hurt me this time.”

Sebastian sucked in a breath. “I know babe, I know.” He looked stricken. “I just, I’ve been so stressed, and then I lashed out and took it out on you. I’m really, really sorry for doing that.”

Kurt felt the corner of his mouth quirk up. “You’ve mentioned that. The whole being sorry thing.” He sighed, uncrossing his arms. He let his eyes fall back to the floor. Previous confrontations, with another boy, not this one, flashed through his mind. He knew this script, even if it wasn’t one of his and Bas’s. “I’m sorry, too. It was my fault too. I shouldn’t have pushed you; you clearly weren’t in the mood to talk and I made it worse…”

“What are you…No, no, no,” Sebastian broke in, striding across the kitchen until he was right in front of Kurt. “Kurt, you didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have to…you don’t _get_ to apologize. This was one hundred percent on me.”

Kurt shrugged. He knew that wasn’t true. It had been made clear to him before; he just invited this kind of confrontation and anger. In fact, he was surprised that it had taken Sebastian this long to lash out at him like that. They’d had their arguments, for sure. It was hard to have two big personalities like theirs without a lot of fireworks happening. But it had been nothing quite like this. Nothing this out of control, this genuinely hurtful. Sebastian knew exactly where to place the daggers when he wanted to, apparently. Guess not everything from high school had changed.

Sebastian cupped Kurt’s face in his hands, using gentle pressure to encourage Kurt to look up. Reluctantly, Kurt met his gaze. He searched, but he couldn’t find any trace of anger remaining in Sebastian’s eyes. There was worry, concern, and definite exhaustion and stress underneath it all. God, Kurt was such a shitty boyfriend, adding this onto everything Sebastian was going through. He opened his mouth to say as much, but Sebastian cut him off.

“Seriously, Kurt. It’s really important to me that you understand. You didn’t deserve that.” He sighed, trailing one hand down Kurt’s side and taking his hand in his. “C’mon, let’s not do this in the kitchen.” He looked around at the spotless room, his eyes lingering on the place where Kurt had left the brush on the oven. “I think you’ve spent enough time in here for one night.”

Sebastian led them into the living room, pulling Kurt down onto the couch beside him. He sat with his legs crossed, facing Kurt. Kurt pulled his legs up onto the couch, their hands resting on his knees between them.

Sebastian cleared his throat. “Obviously, I’ve been really stressed out about the bar exam,” he started. “It’s huge, and it’s all my friends can talk about and everyone is going insane. Literally insane. I think Alan is actually close to a nervous breakdown at this point, and I don’t even want to think about what Mia’s doing. The disadvantage of being surrounded by fellow law school grads. We’re all consumed by this - it’s important.” He lifted his eyes to meet Kurt’s gaze. “But not as important as you.”

Kurt squeezed his hand, a lump rising in his throat. Sebastian often seemed to be allergic to talking about his emotions toward Kurt. Kurt knew that he felt them, but he rarely talked about it. Kurt knew how much saying that, something that might seem so simple to anyone else, must have cost Sebastian. He tended to show his feelings through actions rather than words. And maybe that was part of why this had all been so hard – not having Sebastian there, in the apartment with him, meant there hadn’t been a lot of those small acts of love recently.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” Kurt asked quietly. “We can ignore it if you want. Put it off as one of those ‘deal with it in the future’ kind of things.” He smiled at Sebastian, trying to show him that he was sincere about it. If Sebastian needed space from his emotions, Kurt would give it to him.

Sebastian leaned back, letting his head fall back to stare at the ceiling. “It’s not just the test. I mean, I’m good at taking tests. I got an almost perfect score on my SATs, and obviously, I killed at law school by pretty much any measure you could use. So, this should be just one more thing, you know?

Kurt made an encouraging noise. Sebastian had always excelled at everything academic, as far as Kurt knew.

“But that’s kind of it. Everyone expects me not only to pass but to ace it. But there’s so much you need to know, and there’s really only so much you can do to prepare for it. It’s nothing like the tests that we took in law school. And people keep telling me ‘you’ll pass because you’re smart!’ and it’s just…that’s not true. Plenty of really smart people don’t pass. It’s a marathon of a test, and not everyone makes it.” He looked back at Kurt, letting his fingers play with Kurt’s as they rested on Kurt’s knees.

Kurt thought back to the start of their fight. “So, when I said you were really smart…”

“I believe the phrase you used was ‘ridiculously intelligent’” Sebastian grinned at him. Kurt kicked him lightly with one foot, but he too was grinning. Sebastian chuckled and the air between them lightened. “But yes. When you said that…” Sebastian sobered. “It was like tossing a lit match on a bunch of dynamite. You just repeated what tons of people have been telling me, and I lashed out at you because you’re just unlucky like that. You really didn’t do anything wrong, though.” He stared hard at Kurt. “I want you to know that. You need to know that.”

“I just poked a really sore spot I didn’t know was there,” Kurt said ruefully.

Sebastian nodded. “Believe me, I love pointing out when something’s your fault, whenever you’re wrong, which is all the time by the way – hey!” He yelped as Kurt attempted to push him off the couch. Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt to both balance himself and stop Kurt from ejecting him onto the floor. They wrestled together for a few seconds, each trying to get the upper hand, before collapsing against each other, laughter shaking their bodies. As they recovered, Kurt leaned up against Sebastian, enjoying the warmth that radiated off him. Kurt closed his eyes, soaking in the feeling of having Sebastian’s arm around his shoulders.

They were going to be just fine.

A few moments later, Kurt felt Sebastian lean forward and Kurt made a small sound of protest as he was jostled by the movement. He heard the rustling of a paper bag, and then Sebastian was nudging him in the shoulder. Kurt opened his eyes and looked over at Sebastian, sitting up more fully.

Sebastian held out the bag, offering it to Kurt. The bag was adorned with the name of his favorite bakery, one a few blocks away that was open all night. “Snickerdoodle?” Sebastian asked. Kurt took the bag and smiled as he reached in took out a cookie, biting in and enjoying the taste as it burst across his tongue. Sebastian watched him for a bit, a soft smile on his face.

Eventually, Sebastian stood up and stretched, letting a hand run across Kurt’s forearm. Kurt caught his hand, giving it a tug and making Sebastian lean down so he could kiss them. Sebastian lingered in the kiss, chasing every hint of cinnamon from the corners of Kurt’s mouth. Mission accomplished, he pulled away with one last stroke of his hand through Kurt’s hair.

“I’m going to go finish putting the oven back together, then maybe we should head to bed?” Kurt shifted, starting to get to his feet to help but Sebastian’s hand on his chest stopped him. “No, you stay and relax.” Sebastian smiled down at him.

“I got this.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post on tumblr: https://icedteaandoldlace.tumblr.com/post/187495871641/yall-check-on-your-law-school-friends-the-bar-is, thanks to icedteaandoldlace for the tag which inspired this plot bunny!
> 
> It turned out way angstier than the initial post, whoops! Stressed out Sebastian is not good with people.


End file.
